Hi, my name is SuperBowlMan, and I’m the reason the Broncos lost their Big Game
For at least the last fifteen years–longer, most likely–I’ve ignored the Super Bowl so thoroughly that it would come as a surprise to me when I chatted with my brother or friend and learned that today was ‘The Day’ and they’d be attending a party. I can’t tell you a single team that’s played in any year previous to this one–not a single team–though I have caught some of the commercials on youtube the day after. Because really, missing some of those Doritos commercials would be a crime!
But, this year was different. Perhaps it was the sound of a friend whooping extra loud on Facebook? I don’t know, but somehow I became aware that Super Bowl Sunday was coming up. And the name Super–Bowl caught my attention. So, I did what any sane person would do and created my own SuperBowls! They are, of course, somewhat geekified, but surely you expected that from me?
Here you see my first attempt at a meme. That’s SuperBowlGirl, and she’s has for her head my biggest mixing bowl. See? Super…bowl!
I had a good time picking out her eyes, and lips–which I changed from pink to red so they matched her suit–and even chuckled over the ‘aged’ look on her suit. This stems from the fact that this pic of Super Girl was taken at a small town in Illinois where you can stand behind the cut out and stick your face on top of Super Girl’s body. Retro, yes?
There was only one problem with my cleverness, but I discovered it much too late. You see, while I was having a good time tweeting pics of SuperBowls, and arranging their hero party for them–
In this tweet, SuperBowlMan asked if they’d remembered to put ‘no kryptonite’ on the party evites. He shares my concern for dastardly foods, but his is a little more ‘super’ specific than peanuts…
And of course I had to give him a new hair do (or would that be bowl do?) so he could ask about his hero bro Wolverine–
Which would make for a fun party. Except, apparently, SuperBowlGirl is not a fan of certain people who have knives for knuckles and a hot temper!
–as I said, creating these was great fun. But, what I didn’t know was that the awesomeness that is my SuperBowls had to take it’s Super energy from somewhere. It couldn’t just magically make this level of stupendous superness out of nothing! And the obvious place to get its extra POW was…you guessed it. The Denver Broncos.
So as I dabbled around in Photoshop and created one last meme from SuperBowlMan–because apparently I’m no better at stopping than he is–I was inadvertently sealing the Broncos fate.
The last tweet went out, the sparkle dust settled, the cosmos realigned…and the Broncos lost. Superbly.
I’m here to apologize. I understand the loss was quite embarrassing, and I really do feel for the team. If it’s any comfort to Manning and the rest, I’ll most likely go back to ignoring the big game. So if they want to try again next year, my SuperBowls shouldn’t present any problem.
Unless, of course, some other Super Hero shows up at my door and insists on trying out the bowls in the kitchen. Because I’ve always had a soft spot for Wolverine, and can you really see me saying no to the Hulk?